Here is a page from my Joyful Messages: A Coloring Book for Adults. This will help get you in the mood for sharing and receiving more love.
Love Heals (A25) features hidden words that you can find and color for relaxation and focusing intentions for love!
Here is Link to the book: Joyful Messages
Asking the right question at the right time will unlock creative problem solving in your team. Too often managers seek to inform or tell their teams what they should do, or not do, rather than inviting the problem-solving skills of the members of his or her team.
Frankly, asking questions is an underrated skill. It’s the most important skill in a successful coaching session. A well-developed question accomplishes the following:
Accountability: if the team member proposes a solution to a problem, then that person is more likely to strive to ensure its success. The manager is still ultimately responsible but will, hopefully, work with the team member for a positive outcome.
Example: James was a member of my team and had a bad habit of using curse words. A client had complained to me that James had cursed twice during a recent meeting. While the team enjoyed James’ enthusiasm and humor, I had to take action to deal with his cursing.
During our coaching session I asked him about the client meeting. He reported that it had gone extremely well. I confirmed that in most regards the meeting was successful and added that the client had also indicated that he had used offensive words. He laughed and said he had used them for emphasis. Clearly he wasn’t taking the feedback seriously.
I asked, “What impact might this have on your client base if cursing offends them?” His smile disappeared as I waited for a response. I directed the question to the impact on him rather than the firm because I wanted to get straight to the point.
He tossed out a defensive reply like, “They need a sense of humor.” I didn’t respond and continued to wait for a rational response. When he finally answered the question and said he would stop cursing with clients, I asked him to extend that to the entire workplace.
He agreed and I finished with, “What are you willing to do to going forward?” He surprised me by saying he would stop using foul language and call the client to apologize. I was happy I didn’t have to lead him to that conclusion. He also said his wife had been nagging him to stop cursing, especially around their children, and he realized it was a behavior that needed to change.
James arrived at the solution and as a result was more willing to implement the action steps. If I had told him what to do, he would have been less likely to comply. Anytime you can get the team member to identify the solution, you will have a better chance of success.
Sometimes it’s easy to overlook the good in a person and to, instead, zero in on the things that annoy us. To ensure we acknowledge the positive things about the coachee, it’s helpful to remember the happy sandwich. The happy sandwich is a process of starting with saying something positive, discussing areas that need improvement and concluding with something positive.
I call it the happy sandwich because it’s likely that you will remember it.
I’ve observed countless coaching sessions and have seen busy managers take the feedback shortcut. The feedback shortcut is when a coach goes straight to the things the direct report is doing wrong or otherwise creates an intimidating feedback session. As an observer, it’s like watching someone swinging a bat at a trapped piñata. I’m guessing that’s how coachee feels.
If we want buy-in from the person, it’s better to show respect and provide positive feedback as well as the not-so-positive feedback. Buy-in is the difference between success and failure of the coaching session. It’s also the difference between compliance and commitment. Compliance is doing the minimum to get the job done. Commitment is going above-and-beyond the minimum because they believe in you.
When you praise them for the good things they do, they feel respected and are more willing to commit to their success. Have you ever had a boss you wanted to please? Did you have a supervisor that you wanted to be sure you never disappointed?
That’s the kind of boss you want to be.
The recipient of feedback doesn’t want to feel beat up by your words. Rather, the goal should be to let the coachee know “I see you” which means you see the positive things as well as the areas for improvement.
If you use the Happy Sandwich approach you will never drop the ball on showing respect to your direct reports.
Caryn Colgan
Preparing for a coaching session is the best way to promote a successful outcome. In Tip #1: “Assume you could be wrong”, I shared the importance of keeping an open mind. In this Tip #2, called “Name it”, I will highlight the benefits of clearly articulating the facts and observations.
Sometimes it’s hard to be direct with the issue. However, to give the other person a chance to solve the problem, a clear statement of the issue is the best approach.
When I introduce the topic of difficult coaching discussion during leadership training, managers frequently say hygiene is the most challenging. Hygiene issues are difficult because it is personal rather than business related.
I once had to have the discussion with a woman who was chronically plagued with things in her nasal passages. The entire office knew she had allergies and I fielded complaints on her issue several times a week.
I felt awkward about addressing it with her so I initially took a covert approach. I bought a box of facial tissue and left it on her desk with a sticky note that read, “Hope this helps!” I added a smiley face to soften the blow.
The next day it was clear the message had not been received and more complaints rolled in. As a new manager, this was my first time addressing a personal issue with a direct report. At first I circled the issue asking about the box of tissues, discussing allergy season and an embarrassing litany of other dodges.
After a few minutes I realized from her confused face that I wasn’t getting to the point. I finally said something like, “Your allergies are leaving visible evidence in your nose and I can see it.” She quickly grabbed a tissue from the box I had strategically placed on my desk and took care of the issue.
It was also my opportunity to ask her for strategies to make sure the issue didn’t reoccur. She came up with the solution of placing a mirror at her desk and checking periodically.
It was hard to do but I had to name the issue. Putting words to the issue is the best way to give the other person a chance to fix the problem.
Over the years managers have expressed similar difficulties with peers and direct reports. Sometimes even prefacing the discussion with something like:
Another way to use “Name it” is to put words to behavior you are observing during the coaching session. A trick some coaches have used is to answer questions with questions. It’s okay if they are seeking clarification but when it’s an attempt to avoid answering a difficult question then the behavior has to be addressed.
When you observe this, or other unproductive behavior, name it. Say something like, “Hmm, I’ve noticed that every time I ask you about what happened this morning you ask me a question. I would like you to answer my question, what happened this morning?”
It sounds easy but in fact, in my early coaching days I walked away from more than one session and realized that I had answered all of the coachee’s questions but had not received answers to my questions. That doesn’t happen anymore.
As a coach, prepare for the session, know the outcome you hope to achieve and be fully conscious so you can name the issue you want to resolve. You can also use “Name it” to identify unproductive behaviors you observe during the session.
Caryn Colgan
Good Spirited Consulting Co
This is an easy and relatively simple way to build team relationships while finding creative solutions to organizational challenges. Involving groups of people in the decision-making process can be tricky. Different people have vastly different ideas and sometimes individuals become emotionally attached to their ideas. Here is a team building idea for making the activity fun and non-threatening.
The Activity
Time: 15 minutes but 30 minutes is better
Materials: Easel, easel paper pad and a variety of colored markers (best option for team involvement) or computer and projector where someone types and projects the results on-screen (less desirable option)
Size of group: Divide the group into teams of at least three people. It’s best to have no more than four teams. Too many teams can be difficult to manage and ensure everyone has input in the process.
Step 1: Brainstorm
As part of the decision-making process, brainstorming is often a good place to start. Brainstorming is the process of generating as many ideas as possible. This phase focuses on quantity and not quality.
How to brainstorm
To make it more fun, I offer a reward for the group that generates the most ideas
Example
To playfully introduce the decision criteria exercise, I have them brainstorm what they perceive as a reward. At this stage I don’t introduce any constraints. I also tell them I will reward the team that has the most answers with a shiny sticker. For this stage I give them up to 10 minutes.
They will usually start listing things like money, promotions and benefits and eventually branch out into categories like food items, lottery tickets, etc.
After the allotted time, have them count the number of answers and write the total on their sheet. If I have time, I have each team look at the other teams’ lists and add any items they like. This is not an important step and can be omitted for time’s sake.
Step 2: Introduce the decision criteria
Once the teams have completed the brainstorming and stickers have been awarded, it’s time to introduce the decision criteria. What are the constraints? What are the available resources?
For this example activity I list the following criteria:
The solution must:
I also tell them that I reserve the right to add to this list of criteria at any time.
The teams then eliminate any options that fail to meet the criteria. Once this is done, I have the groups consolidate the answers on one sheet of easel paper; eliminating any redundancies.
Step 3: Ranking the Options
Once you verify that they have properly applied the decision criteria, tell each person they have been awarded three votes or check marks.
They can spend their check marks however they choose. They can spend all three on one option or spread them out among various options. To avoid confusion, make sure each member of the team has a different color marker.
I prefer easel and paper because it’s easier for team members to interact and strategize about where to place their check marks. Depending on the topic, there may also be some entertaining negotiating and healthy arguing for certain rankings.
Count the check marks and declare the winner based on which item has the most votes. If there is a tie, again, depending on time, I may allow a spirited debate where teams or individuals can argue for their favorite option. Another variation is to allow them to determine how to break the stalemate; drawing straws, flipping a coin and rock-paper-scissors are a few stalemate breakers.
If there is a real organizational need to be addressed, you can use this process to explore solutions. At this stage, I will usually assign new teams so the individuals have an opportunity to work with different people.
Caryn Colgan
Does it just seem easier to use one of the standard templates available with the program?
Don’t do it. Chances are, your customers have already seen that template gobs of times before. If you don’t feel all that creative, at least change the color of the background or add a subtle gradient.
I’ve attended too many presentations but competent professionals and been distracted by boring, overworked PowerPoint presentations. Sometimes the poor presenter ventured off the template path and used colors that clashed horribly. Red text on black or blue backgrounds is extremely difficult to read. Please don’t do that to your audience.
If you are sure about the color choices, have a trusted colleague for feedback (preferably not a subordinate who may feel threatened to give you honest input).
Find some presentations that you like and use the appealing elements in your design. Add your logo and branded colors. Avoid tried and worn clip art. Incorporate photos of your products, employees or other identifying images.
What do you do to make your presentations sizzle?
Why hire consultants? Because the benefits outweigh the costs. As in other professions, there are skilled people who can help solve problems and those that can make matters worse. By choosing a qualified and experienced professional, businesses can reap profitable rewards. While interviewing consultants for your projects, ensure you vet their stated qualifications and experience.
At this writing, businesses and schools are taking action to slow the spread of the coronavirus. Consultants with experience with leading online or virtual training will be more helpful now than ever before.
Here are just a few reasons to hire a professional consultant:
If you need expert help designing or delivering online / virtual training, contact Caryn@CarynColgan.com.
Have you ever walked away from a coaching session and said to yourself, “That could have better.” While there are many factors that comprise a successful coaching session, the real magic is in the questions you ask.
The main ingredient in magical questions is the open-ended question. What are open-ended questions? (Hint: the preceding is one)
Questions that begin with the words:
“Why” is also a lead to an open-ended question but I don’t usually use it. Using “why” can make the session feel more like an interrogation. For example, “Why did you slouch in your chair during the client meeting?” sounds more accusatory than helpful exploring. This may lead to a less productive meeting . Instead, use the following suggestions to encourage discussion.
Open-Ended Questions by Caryn Colgan
“What” is the star of the question show. Any question can be rephrased as “what”.
In the above example of “Why did you slouch in your chair…”, asking, “What did you think of the client meeting?” is a non-accusatory invitation for input.
If you want to be more direct, “I noticed you slouched in your chair during the meeting. (Stating the fact) What impression do you think that gave the client?”
There are other ways to invite discussion without it being a question. These discussion invitations start with phrases such as:
Open-ended questions and discussion invitations are putting the onus of discovery on the other person. If the other person has to state the issue and the solution then they “own” that solution. Meaning: they understand the issue and what he or she needs to do to fix it.
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In the above example, if they sloucher states that slouching during the client meeting looked unprofessional then your next questions might be, “What does professional behavior look like?” and “What are you willing to do to be more professional moving forward?”
“What are you willing to do differently?” or some version of this question is a superb way to begin wrapping up the session.
This is getting them to state the obvious but you are urging them to:
If you tell the coachee these items you have has less impact than asking the right questions that get her or him to say it. Telling is the least effective coaching style when you want lasting change. However, in working with hundreds of managers, this is the most often used style. Ask open-ended questions and you will discover the magic of great coaching.
Hint: When going for commitment fro during a coaching session never accept an answer that includes the word, “try” in it. (Spoiler alert: there will be an article on “try” in the future.)
Has this ever happened to you? You are trying to determine the facts of a situation and you ask a bunch of questions that are not yielding the results you seek? You may have been fishing too hard.
What is fishing? Fishing during a coaching session is asking a series of direct questions with an implied reason for the question. A fishing question is looking for a very specific answer.
This scenario usually occurs when the coach thinks she or he has an inkling of what the problem might be and confirmation is sought. Fishing is also done when the coach is consciously or unconsciously reluctant to give up control of the discussion.
Assume a direct report has suddenly become grumpy at work. His attitude is usually very chipper and borders on office clown. The questions might do something like this:
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This is fishing. It is a series of closed-ended (and sometimes open-ended) questions that are “fishing” for why the person’s attitude has shifted into a negative zone.
The good news is that the coach noticed the change in behavior and took action to identify the issue.
The unfortunate news is that if the guy wasn’t upset about Sally’s promotion he might be now! He had forgotten about it or it had never occurred to him that he should be upset. However, with this clumsy reminder he is now questioning whether or not he should be disturbed.
Additionally, by naming the potential problems, the coach has already decided the possible issue and is directing the person to answer those questions. What happens if the issue is a personal one? What if there is a completely different obstacle and the person needs a chance to be candid about it?
The magic in any coaching session is, in part, crafting great open-ended questions.
After putting the direct report at ease with some unrelated chatting, state what you observed. What are the facts?
In the example above, the coach noticed the direct report was no longer walking in to the office with a smile on his face. He also slouched in his chair during the team meeting and did not participate in his usual manner.
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A skilled coach will state these observations. No interpretation needed at this point. Some managers may be tempted to label the behavior as grumpy, distant or disengaged. Step away from the assumptions!
You won’t know if it is work related or personal. An effective coach will suspend all interpretation until a discussion occurs.
Don’t judge, assume or label. Just state the raw facts. Articulate what was observed or the data that was gathered.
Then ask the question-one question- in a neutral or supportive tone.
Depending on the answers, ask additional questions to determine the root cause of the obstacle. Avoid fishing. It will likely annoy the other or result in an unproductive meeting.
Everyone wants a chance to tell his or her story. If you go fishing or stack (another article) during a coaching session, you may not give the other person a chance to tell the relevant story. You are guiding the person to the answers you want and away from the story he or she may need to tell.
By building your skills as a coach, you build trust with your team. A team who trusts you will work harder to please you.
A future article will explore the coaching technique I call Follow the Breadcrumbs.
Coaching Corner: Tip #1 by Caryn Colgan
Magical Questions for Coaching
NOTE: in the example above did you catch the assumptions or labels of the behaviors? I called him “grumpy” and “chipper”. These are not facts. The facts are that he slouched in his chair, didn’t participate in his usual manner and didn’t greet the team with a smile. These are facts upon which everyone would agree. Not everyone would agree and label his behavior as grumpy. Grumpy is not a fact. Neither is chipper.
Caryn Colgan is an author, trainer and speaker
Stacking is a style of questioning that can be effective at confusing witnesses on the stand. However, if you want to lead a productive coaching session, don’t stack!
What is stacking?
Stacking occurs when one question is “stacked” on top of another with no pause to allow for the other person to respond.
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I was recently on a conference call wherein one of the callers stacked as follows: “What is your timeline? When do you think you can talk to Hank? Where will you be on Wednesday? and How much will the study cost?”
The only extended silence occurred after the questioner stopped talking. We all tried to figure out how to answer the questions and in what order. Should we state the question and then answer it to avoid confusion?
During a coaching session, you want quality answers to well-thought-out questions. Don’t rush the process. Trust will be built as you listen carefully to the words and interpolate the story behind the words. What is he or she really saying?
If you need to restate or rephrase the question, then that is okay. Just don’t fire off a series of stacked questions that will only serve to confuse and frustrate the other person.
This is one of a series of helpful coaching tips.
Caryn Colgan: Artist / Public Speaker and Facilitator 